


Sincerely, Iwaizumi

by jobixen



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Epistolary, Heartbreak, Letters, M/M, Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-11
Updated: 2021-01-11
Packaged: 2021-03-14 19:27:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,945
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28675953
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jobixen/pseuds/jobixen
Summary: Oikawa Tooru left 12 years ago, and now he's back.He’s standing in front of Iwaizumi Hajime’s door, wearing a black tuxedo, on his wedding day, with no plans of getting married.
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Comments: 1
Kudos: 17





	Sincerely, Iwaizumi

When I opened my apartment door, I was expecting a pizza delivery; not my whole past exploding before my eyes.

But I guess I was never really lucky.

He stood there in a black tuxedo. Hair tussled by the wind, eyes dry and red from crying, hands trembling. He was looking at me the same way he did before, like I was the only thing that mattered. He looked different, he was older now, thicker, and if it’s any possible, even more beautiful.

“Iwa.” he whispered. I stood frozen in my place, all the other times he called me Iwa was rushing back and flooding my mind at the same time. _Why the hell is he here? And why the hell is he dressed like that?_ I have an idea, and I’m not really liking it. “Can I come in?” he asked.

“Yeah,” I answered, moving to the sides to make way for him. He walked straight to my couch like he knew his way around; when in-fact he never set foot in this place before. I followed him, grabbing a glass on water of the way. “Wanna explain the outfit?” I set down the water on the coffee table and sat beside him.

“Oh, yeah, of course,” he said, as if he’s only realizing the weirdness of his get up and visit now. “I came from a wedding.”

“Who’s wedding?”

“My wedding.”

“Oikawa...”

“I know.” He sighed. “But I can’t marry him, okay? I don’t want to marry him. And this is not an on-the-day freak out, I’ve been thinking about this for months”

“Then why did you propose?”

“I didn’t. He did”

“Why did you say yes?” This taken him aback. He used his two hands to comb through his hair, then they found their way to his face, and it stayed there, hand covering his feature for what seemed like forever before he finally put them down at looked up at me. “I don’t know. I thought maybe it’ll work out after a while. I mean we’ve been together 9 years, what’s a wedding gonna change? Well clearly, I was wrong.”

I stayed quiet. I was lost for words, they never really teach you in school how to comfort your ex that you haven’t seen in 12 years when he ran away from his wedding. Responding with “why’s” seemed to do the trick.

“I just. I can’t marry him,” he repeated over the silence.

“Why?”

“Because he’s not you.”

And there it was; the trigger to the bomb inside my head that’s been ticking ever since I opened the door. Confirming all the assumptions that I’ve been trying to push back to the depths of my thoughts.

“Oikawa..” I started, “What are you trying to say? Why are you really here?”

“I’m saying that I can’t marry him because the person I wanna marry is you.”

This made me snap. I shouted, “Why? Are you actually for real? It’s been 12 years, why are you only saying that now?”

“Exactly. It’s because it’s been 12 years, I promised, remember?”

My brain felt like it was being torn apart. I was getting dizzy. I felt like punching him on his pretty face, because I knew exactly what he was talking about.

I glared at him. “Explain.”

“Okay,” he sighed. “I never stopped thinking about you. And these past few months it got worse, after the engagement I almost couldn’t sleep at all. I was thinking if I was making a mistake. When I broke your heart 12 years ago, I was so so stupid. I was so young, and I couldn’t see the right from the wrong. It was my fault that we fell apart and I held on to my promise that I will come back after I fixed myself. It was the only way that I could actually fix myself. I love you, Iwaizumi. It has always been you, I’m choosing you.”

For the nth time that day, I was lost for words. When I was young, I rehearsed paragraphs and paragraphs of what I would say to Oikawa when he actually came back like he promised. Through the years, the answers changed from yes to no and no to yes. I opened my mouth to talk, but no words came out. So I just sat there in silence, reliving the last year I had with Oikawa in my head, when the door bell rang. _Oh, right, the pizza._

“Look, Tooru, you’re tired and I need time to think. You had a rough day, go to my room and lie down for a minute. That’s the pizza at the door, I’m just gonna get it. We need to eat before sorting this mess” I pointed to my room and stood up to make a beeline to the door.

When I entered my room a few minutes later, I found him sleeping on my bed. I approached closer, and stared at the face that once made my world turn. He must’ve been really tired; the bags under his eyes were showing through the makeup. I watched him for ages, mulling over what to say when he wake up.

Finally, I sighed, walked to my table, retrieved a pen and a paper, and started writing.

I went back and sat next to the sleeping Oikawa in the bed. I comb his hair out of his face using my fingers, and kissed his forehead.

_You’re so dangerous, Shittykawa._

I placed the letter on top of the dresser beside my bed, and walked out of the room.

* * *

**_Oikawa,_ **

I’m leaving.

I know. I know you’re going to say that you love me, that you always have even after all these years, that you came back because you promised, and that you’re choosing me. But no. No, you’re not choosing me. That’s the thing, you never did. And I know you’ll say that you chose me hundreds of times before, but you only think that you did, here’s what actually happened:

The first time you thought you chose me, it was a lie. You just had your heart broken; you were betrayed and cheated on by the first girl you truly loved. And it just turned out that I was there, and I was the next best thing you knew. You didn’t choose me, Oikawa. In reality, I called on to you that day, I asked for your favor that day, and I made you laugh that day. You just grabbed the chance when you saw it. You didn’t choose me over her, there was no her.

The second time was a betrayal. I was a mess, and instead of picking me up, you told me to take some space and time. You told me you will wait for me to heal. And to heal, I went. I was gone for a week. A week. And you replaced me with someone new already. I was livid; you reasoned that you didn’t know if I will ever comeback. You told me you didn’t even like him like that — but instead of waiting for me, you chose him, and that’s how I knew you liked him like that.

We broke up remember? And you’d like to think that you chose me over him because you chased after me until you won me back. But the truth was you didn’t win me; in fact, I let you came back without much of a fight.

The third time you were unfaithful. And I know that I was wreck before that even happened, that I was all over the place, that I had problems, and that I didn’t knew whether to hold on to you or not; but that didn’t gave you the right to kill me the way you did. You chose sex over me. You cheated on me with your best friend.

You fucked me over, Oikawa, and I let you. I didn’t even cried when I found out; I was so broken that I couldn’t physically react right to the pain. I wanted to punch you, and beat you up, but I didn’t. You said it didn’t mean a thing, that you’re still choosing me, and that you love me. But I think you were only saying that for yourself.

We broke up after that, for real this time. You begged me to come back, and I didn’t. I did something worse: I lingered. I didn’t take you back but I would reach out from time to time. I would melt at your embrace, would bid you goodbye, and would tell you to be happy.

And then you did it, one day, you didn’t choose me for the last time. The funny thing is, I wasn’t even asking you to choose, you just assumed that I was. You told me that you do truly love me but you wanted to change, that you found someone, and you don’t want to hurt another special soul. The special soul that was only supposed to be your rebound. The special soul that finally got you to act right.

But you made a promise before leaving didn’t you? That you’ll come back after 12 years because you know that you still want to end up with me. That you’ll just fix yourself. And you really did it, you came back.

Only this time, I don’t want you back.

You’re not choosing me, Oikawa. I was a regret – something that makes you feel bad, something that you wanna set right. But it’s okay if you don’t, everybody makes huge mistakes and not everybody gets the chance to fix it. The truth is, I think you only came back here because you’re scared to get married, and otherwise you would have forgotten the promise altogether.

I love you, Oikawa, and that’s why I don’t want you anymore. You were my world. Before you, I had nothing. You gave me life. And when you left, you took all of that with you. After you, everyone was saying that I should just get back on my feet and pick up my shattered pieces — only I had nothing left to pick. I was so lost without you, and it took me years to stand back up on my feet. I never want to get through that again, and I know with you, I will; because you will never choose me.

I blamed myself a lot for what happened. I was toxic, and I didn’t do my part of the relationship. I wasn’t there for you a lot, and I always ran away the moment things gets rocky; but I came back every time, I do, don’t I?

And those moments you thought you’ve chosen me? It was just actually me choosing you, letting you. I let you go to me when you got your heart broken, I let you come back to me, I let you fuck me over. So maybe it was really my fault, with the toxicity and the consent.

And this is why I’m leaving. I’m going to stay at a friend’s place for a while, and when I came home, I’m expecting you to be gone. You see, I’m not really running away like I did before. I’m just moving forward to a place where your promises don’t exist anymore.

I don’t regret falling in love with you, but now it’s time to go.

I won’t tell you what to do you with your life, Oikawa, but at least choose right the next time around.

I’ve forgiven you a long time ago, I hope you can forgive me too. Know that from this point forward, I will not love you anymore.

**_Sincerely,_ **

**_Iwaizumi_ **

**Author's Note:**

> OKAY I’M SORRY. I’M REALLY SORRY I MADE THEM BOTH SEEM LIKE JERKS. But young love tends to be toxic, and the whole coming back to meet him again for the second time doesn’t always work. And I wanted to write this because I’m feeling angsty tonight. 
> 
> The thing is, we all have our own toxic, red-flag filled relationships in the past. And if we do encounter them again, we all have the choice on whether to go back to it or not.
> 
> DON’T DM HIM SIS
> 
> LOLOLOLOLOL THANK YOU FOR READING!!!


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